Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
