somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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