wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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