so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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