I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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