No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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