we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
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grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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