I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
