yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
