Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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