He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
