This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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