I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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