Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
