Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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