i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
