and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
