I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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