woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
