I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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