i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
