sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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