took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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