i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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