I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
