so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
