why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
