hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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