Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
