I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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