I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
