Apparently you make a good broom.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
