My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
