Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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