you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
