hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
