So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
