...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize