I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
