"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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