i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
