strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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