Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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