umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i will never coherently bang her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
