I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this boner is exhausting
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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