four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
