Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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