maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
