i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
