White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
