The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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