the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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