I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
