I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize