Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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