Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
