Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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