HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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