Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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