Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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