I want to have your abortion
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
