I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
