Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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