Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
