you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
