Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
