the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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