and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
