when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
