a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
