I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
