You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A bitchslap is in order.
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