it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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