he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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