So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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