i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
