I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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