You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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