She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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