Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
