I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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