So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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