shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
