you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
